It's been one of those days

So it seems that recently I have been making my blogs more personal than I had planned, but nothing excites me enough in the world to write about it. Then I end up just writing about my life because it is the only thing that I really have to talk about. On this note, today was one of those days for me when I don't want to believe that it is me living it. I'm not actually all that behind in school work, but it feels like I am destitute. My days seem to go by too quickly for me to get anything done, but yet, my weeks are going by too slowly. I know that might seem like a contradictory statement, but it's what I am experiencing. With everything that I have planned for this next year, I am beyond ready for this semester to be overwith and I am trying to fight through it, but it is really hard. I, of course, am always having doubts whether I am doing the right thing or not and whether I will end up happy or not, but who doesn't have those doubts at my age? My biggest doubt is probably the fact that I am not happy now. I watched House the other day and it had a character who was finding the cure for cancer, but stopped because she wasn't happy doing what she was doing. She said that she didn't want to do what she is supposed to do; she wanted to do what she wanted to do. She said that the reason a lot of people don't take that chance is because they are somehow stuck where they are. Well, that was a huge hit on the head. Although I already know that I am stuck where I am for the moment, I keep getting scared that I will always feel stuck and never feel like I am truly doing what I want to do. I am trying to stay optimistic and make use of this semester, but it's hard when I am counting downt he days for it to be over. I try not to focus on the end, but when you have a goal, you focus on being successful with that goal.
The reason I feel somewhat unhappy now, is because I am so unbelievably excited about what is ahead. I am the kind of person that makes decisions quickly and acts on them even faster. With this change coming up, I really wanted to make it happen a lot faster than it is. I had things standing in my way that I had to take care of before actually acting on my decision, and so this makes the waiting almost unbearable. It's really bad, but I'm used to getting what I want. I will openly admit that I am very spoiled in that. Because I am used to that, it makes not getting it right away very hard. The worst part of the waiting, too, is the fact that I don't feel like I can complain about it because that just gets annoying after a while. I can't talk to anyone about how I'm feeling, because they all already know and there are other people with harder issues than I have. So waiting, and waiting alone, is misery. Ok, well that is a little dramatic, but it gets my point across. Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.

Sincerely,
The Ern