Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Long Time No See

It's been a while since I posted something on here. A lot has changed since then; most for the better, some for the worst.

I'm an optimist now.

When I started this blog, if I can remember correctly when that was, I was in a place in my life where I didn't see a lot to look forward to. I was at a school that I hate where I had no one to look to or even talk to other than 2 dimensional conversations in my classes. I missed being home so much, and therefore couldn't get a job because I knew that I would be home for three months in the summer. I barely talked to my family and the most important thing in my life at that point, Jon, was slipping through my fingers without me realizing. All of this was very hard on me and it took a toll on me through my personal life and my school work.

Almost everything is completely opposite from that now. I go to a school that I enjoy while living at home, which means I get to see my family on a very regular basis. I am forming friendships, slowly but surely, with people at school and with people that I work with. I have a job that, frankly, I love, whether that is because I looked so long for a job or that I just really like Best Buy or even a combo of the two.

The one thing that isn't opposite is Jon. I let him fall through my fingers. I used him as a crutch when I was at IU and that wasn't fair to him, but I thank God for him during that time, because I don't know if I would have made it through.

On to the point that I am really trying to get to - I'm now an optimist. It's a very good thing in the sense that I am happy. I am happier than I have been for a while now. I see things in a much lighter way. I'm a realistic optimist. I don't take things too seriously unless absolutely necessary because it's just a waste of time when it's not a big deal. I'm finding that through this optimism, I have become a better person, too. I've learned to open up and not be afraid to let people in. I don't lie about anything, when I used to lie to get out of things like hanging out with someone or skip class, etc, I do admit. I try to cherish every moment of my life if I can. I'm still stressed, but not nearly as bad as I was. I just feel lighter.

Now this is good and all...up until today. Something hit me today that made me very sad. I don't know how it really happened, but I was hit really hard with the fact that I think I might be the only optimist that I know of. I think about all of my friends and see some kind of burden that they carry around. Some people hate other people, some people don't open up and let their friends in, some people lie, some people assume bad of others, etc. It makes me sad.

Best Buy has been really active in setting some new rules to control normal problems of any retail store. I understand having to do all of it, but it makes me very sad that no one can trust anyone anymore. It's no wonder that I have friends that are afraid to open up and why I was afraid to open up. Trust is practically extinct from our world.

This realization kind of hit me hard because it made me think of people who I could trust. The sad part is, is that I trust almost anyone. Because I have become so open with myself, I now assume others are that way, when they aren't. It makes me sad because I used to be able to say this kind of stuff to someone that I whole-heartedly trusted, but I can't now.

Switching gears : Jon will probably read this, but that's ok.
All of this doubt that I have been feeling has kept leading me to one place. Jon. It's been about three weeks, I think, since we broke up, yet for some reason it feels longer. A lot has happened in those three weeks. All these changes that I have mentioned, pretty much happened within those three weeks. I stopped talking to him about a week ago, which turned out to fail, up until Saturday, but now I haven't spoken to him for 4 days, and it feels like a lifetime.

It took awhile for things to settle in, but I'm hitting that point now. For the three weeks that we haven't been together I have been a completely different person than I was when we were together. We ended our relationship because I need time to grow and find myself. I know it sounds generic, but it's unbelievably true. Even though he might not see it right now, Jon eventually will see that he needs that for himself too. The reality that we aren't together and that I shouldn't talk to him has finally set in. I had the biggest urge at work tonight to see something that I haven't dared look at for three weeks, and was actually lying in my attic. I currently am looking at it and loving it still even after 8 months of owning it and after everything that it was supposed to mean between me and Jon. It makes me miss what we had.

For all of you who don't want to hear the sappiness that I am about to begin, you don't have to keep reading.

Jon was my first. My first love, my first (and only) serious boyfriend, the first person I could open myself up to completely, my first everything. I remember how we were when we first started our relationship. We were inseparable. He was my best friend up to the day that we broke up. I still feel like he's my best friend, I just can't talk to him. He gave me everything and more. He never wanted anything, but for me to be happy, us to be happy. He loved me for me. He was the first boy to see me as beautiful. He was the first boy to never see a flaw in me. He was the first boy that made me feel like I was a princess that deserved anything I wanted, and all I wanted was him. Somewhere along the line though I lost myself. Something happened that changed things and even now I don't know what or who it was.

I don't know what will happen with me and Jon, but it can't get worse than what it already has, and that gives me hope. I do miss my friend. I do miss that comfort he gave me. I do miss what we had. I do miss that love. Right now this is for the best even though it's been the hardest thing I've ever gone through. Right now this is for the best, but that doesn't mean it won't hurt for a long time. Right now this is for the best even though I'm looking at the most precious thing he gave me and I'm sad.

I'm going to keep on being optimistic and I really hope that it rubs off on other people.

In the words of a very good friend:

"I will be happy
I am secure"

The Ern

Friday, May 22, 2009

Terminator Salvation Fails to Satisfy

!Minor Spoilers!

I am going to go down a list along with this video:
1. Christian Bale - he is most definitely the WORST John Connor I have yet to see in any of the terminator movies - and I'm a big fan of Bale. He had no emotional connection with any of the other characters and pretty much just tries to play Batman. The John Connors that I saw in the previous movies were very passionate about the human race and were constantly willing to sacrifice themselves for others. Bale creates this Connor who shows no compassion towards the human race until he learns that his life is in jeopardy. Granted, yes, if he dies so will the human race pretty much, but he does not show that the human race is his concern - he shows that his life is his only concern. For the entire movie Bale uses two levels of voice: a low "intense" speech (oddly similar to Batman's) and if he isn't doing that he is yelling. Also, I feel that it didn't make much sense that Connor would distrust Marcus right off the bat because so often in T2 and T3 he tried so hard to humanize the machines. Marcus was as humanized as possible and Connor randomly distrusts it the most? It made little sense.
2. They make the Terminator 600 tougher than the original Terminator in the first movie...making no sense if Skynet really was still trying to advance. The original Terminator came from year 2029 and would have melted right away if molten metal and fire was poured onto him yet the Terminator 600 was able to rise above it...? Hmmm? Also, just a tidbit - the computer animated Arnold had more personality than a majority of the actual human actors in this film...:/
3. This movie is totally for pansies :/
4. Anton Yelchin played the most memorable character in this film. He truly preserved the character of Kyle Reese from T1 and made a very believable younger version of that character. I truly believe that he really did study that film and broke down that character as Bale should have done with both of the Connor versions from 2 and 3. Yelchin gave the little amount of personality to T4 that everyone else should have also given.
5. Moon Bloodgood's character is absolutely pointless. The only this that was worth having her for was breaking Marcus out of the Resistors camp so he could save Kyle and all that could have been done dozens of ways. The relationship that was very awkwardly created between her and Marcus was a complete waste of time and money. It was awkward for the audience and completely unneccessary for the movie. None of the movies had romance in it except the small tidbit in T1 when John Connors was concieved - which was pretty damn important. Both directors for 1,2 & 3 were really good at keeping that annoying stuff out of the story unless absolutely necessary and all was shot to hell with this pointless relatioship with an even more pointless character.
6. I can't criticize Bryce Dallas Howard too much because they did not shine enough spotlight on her character. I like how Kate Connor is supposed to be 2nd in command under John Connor yet John is not at all in command and Kate is just a doctor - and also in T3 she was a vet...not a human doctor even. This is where a HUGE fault in the storyline develops. John is supposed to be leading the resistance yet from the opening scene he doesn't have control. Yes, he has control over the people through his broadcasts, but he is supposed to be the leader of the entire remaining human race and Kate is supposed to be 2nd in command and she barely has any spotlight whatsoever. She is a more important character, yet more emphasis is put on the Charlie's Angels remake character of Blare - played by Moon as said above.

All in all, this movie was one of the biggest dissapointments for me in a long time. As I said in the title of this entry: it left me very unsatisfied. Not only were the actors not connected to the characters or the audience, McG completely destroyed one of the most exciting and promising storylines that has been in these movies since T1 in '84. There were so many holes that had been layed into the director's hand by the past movies. Kyle Reese would have been killed right away had the machines found him the way they did and recognized him as John's father. He would not have been put in a cell where the machines would just wait for him to rot. The point of the war against machines, is that they are ruthless - doesn't anyone remember Arnold in T1? That is one of many holes/complaints and I could rant for hours on my disappointments about this movie.

There is a go on T5 with the same director and Bale as well - I am just hoping it will get cancelled on the account that this one will not make enough money. I don't regret seeing it because I feel that in order for one to consider themselves a movie fan that you must see the good and the bad, but I definitely don't recomend it to someone who has a wonderful vision of what John Connor's future holds. My vision was bright, but was shot down with McG's ignorance and absolute waste of money.

The Ern

P.S. I apologize for spellin errors - I wrote this fast and late in the heat of my frustrations :)

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

It's been one of those days

So it seems that recently I have been making my blogs more personal than I had planned, but nothing excites me enough in the world to write about it. Then I end up just writing about my life because it is the only thing that I really have to talk about. On this note, today was one of those days for me when I don't want to believe that it is me living it. I'm not actually all that behind in school work, but it feels like I am destitute. My days seem to go by too quickly for me to get anything done, but yet, my weeks are going by too slowly. I know that might seem like a contradictory statement, but it's what I am experiencing. With everything that I have planned for this next year, I am beyond ready for this semester to be overwith and I am trying to fight through it, but it is really hard. I, of course, am always having doubts whether I am doing the right thing or not and whether I will end up happy or not, but who doesn't have those doubts at my age? My biggest doubt is probably the fact that I am not happy now. I watched House the other day and it had a character who was finding the cure for cancer, but stopped because she wasn't happy doing what she was doing. She said that she didn't want to do what she is supposed to do; she wanted to do what she wanted to do. She said that the reason a lot of people don't take that chance is because they are somehow stuck where they are. Well, that was a huge hit on the head. Although I already know that I am stuck where I am for the moment, I keep getting scared that I will always feel stuck and never feel like I am truly doing what I want to do. I am trying to stay optimistic and make use of this semester, but it's hard when I am counting downt he days for it to be over. I try not to focus on the end, but when you have a goal, you focus on being successful with that goal.
The reason I feel somewhat unhappy now, is because I am so unbelievably excited about what is ahead. I am the kind of person that makes decisions quickly and acts on them even faster. With this change coming up, I really wanted to make it happen a lot faster than it is. I had things standing in my way that I had to take care of before actually acting on my decision, and so this makes the waiting almost unbearable. It's really bad, but I'm used to getting what I want. I will openly admit that I am very spoiled in that. Because I am used to that, it makes not getting it right away very hard. The worst part of the waiting, too, is the fact that I don't feel like I can complain about it because that just gets annoying after a while. I can't talk to anyone about how I'm feeling, because they all already know and there are other people with harder issues than I have. So waiting, and waiting alone, is misery. Ok, well that is a little dramatic, but it gets my point across. Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.

The Ern

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Best time of the year...and I am stuck in the rain.

As some of you know, I have been going through a transition phase. I won't tell details, because there is important information that some people in my life just don't deserve to know yet, but something big is coming in my life. I have decided on a big change and I am excited and terrified and nervous that I will decide again, after making this decision, that it doesn't fit either. The best thing that I can think of though, is that I have thought this through and talked to the people I should talk to and have made a decision. I am jumping in and trying it out. I am stressed that it will cause me to get behind on life, but as my sister has told me many, many times, "Learn to take life slow. We always want to hurry, but if we hurry, what will we do when what we were hurrying to do is done?" She is so unbelievably right and every time I get in a hurry I remind myself of that.
I hate that all this decision-making came at this time of year. For all who don't know, Christmas is my absolute favorite holiday! I just love the feeling and smell of Christmas. I love the mornings that you wake up all cozy, fully rested, you get up and look out your window and there is this fresh blanket of snow covering the world. I know it's cheesy and maybe childish, but I like to look at those mornings like it is my time to wake up the world. I need to go out and play in the snow and wake up the world from under it's cozy white fluffy blanket. I went home last weekend to get our tree and decorate the house and it was probably the best weekend home I have had in a long time. Everything was just perfect. That morning happened. I woke up and snow was covering everything, soft flakes were falling, and my gorgeous puppy was outside exploring it, having never seen it before.
It makes me sad that it will be the family's first Christmas without Penny. We hung up one of our ornaments on the tree of a golden retriever with wings. It had previously been a picture of Penny when she was alive. Her official name was Penny From Heaven Hannon - it just fit her. Now the ornament means something different. She now isn't physically being an angel in our home, she is watching over us with those wings. I talk to her when I can. I tell her that I don't want her to feel replaced. Roxie is far from being Penny. They are completely different and the only thing that has happened is we have gained a member to our family. Penny probably would have hated Roxie, ha! Roxie is so energetic, Penny would have never gotten any peace. Christmas will be different this year without her. I love her and miss her so much and I will definitely be remembering her this season.

I got the idea for my title from the weather today. It rained today. A lot. I hate the rain...HATE it. I kept telling people all day, "I wish it was 20 degrees colder, because all this would be snow." A lot of people thought I was crazy, but I like the cold. It is odd though, that I am in a pretty decent mood today. Normally, when it rains my mood is rainy. It all goes back to my weekend and the time of year. Rain in December sucks, but it is December, meaning the good cancels out the bad.
I got a little off track. That's what happens with these blogs. I start writing about one thing and thoughts just flood me and I hurridly try to get them on the screen before I forget them. So, forgive me for the chaos! I am stuck in the rain, though. Literally and metaphorically. I have made that decision, but I have so much to do in order for it to be done. I so wish it would just come. I am one of those people who like to just jump in and make decisions happen right then and there. I am very impulsive. This is important though and I can't be impulsive and it is leaving me stuck. I know it will make me happy though and that is what is pushing me forward. It is what encourages me to tough out the rough time and look forward to the future without wishing it were here now. With that attitude, I know that I have grown up, at least a little in college! I know I have changed, but I wasn't sure if it was good or bad. I've decided it was good, though.

Well, I think I have finished my ramblings. I appreciate it if you have gotten this far. I actually think a new blog might be up pretty soon. Not on of great importance, but a fun one. I am not consistant with writing and so, I apologize if you have a hard time with inconsistant. Happy Holidays, everyone! Stay safe on the streets and just remember to be considerate of others. Even if it is holding the door for someone or saying thank you if someone holds it for you - just remember that the small things like that are what make people's days!

The Ern

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Please join me in my excitement.

Yes I did not vote, but that does not mean that I am not unbelievably excited for this county's future. I must say though with all this excitement I have already felt heartbreak. Within moments of President Elect Obama's win I read very unfaithful and poor opinions on the win. I am very moderate, straight down the middle, so I truly would have been happy with either candidate. I understand that a lot of people are not like that. A lot of people have their own opinions which they are completely entitled to have, but some people act so disgraceful, it makes me sad.

The things that I read on Facebook after Obama won the election were shocking. I saw people saying they can't wait for the next election already and I actually recieved a request to join a group called "I want to run from my country" with a picture of Barak Obama with a big "FRAUD" written over it. That is outright disgusting. Our country voted for him. We all voted for him. Yes, you might not have literally voted for him, but as a whole country we chose him. He is not a terrorist and he will not fail our country. McCain would not have failed either. They have different approaches and this is the one we chose. Whether you agree with the desicion, at least have faith in the country that you live in. Remember that you could live in a country where we have no voice. A place where we are forced to believe in one religion, wear certain clothes, eat certain foods, and have no choice in anything at all. We could have no voice, but we do.

We chose him. Have faith in the country that respects you. Respect the one who was chosen and has a huge burden on him now. One man running a huge nation like ours is tough. He has a huge mountain to climb. As he said in his speech, he needs everyone's support, even those who did not vote for him. Support him so that we can make our country even better than it is now or has been in the past. Work with him so that the best desicions can be made to better our futures. Please do not lose faith in something that we are so priveleged to have gone through. Whether you are a Republican, Democrat, Independant, Libertarian, etc., believe in what we have ahead of us. Please be the proud citizens that this country deserves. Look at the good things that this election has brought us.

Our first black president. Whether you voted for him or not, it is history. Our country came from treating african americans as property to electing one for our president to lead this country in whatever way he can do best. Have faith in his ability, he will not fail us. He may make mistakes, because he is only human, but we must look past those mistakes and help him in the huge job he has at his feet.

Love our country and respect our country. We chose him. Believe in that, believe in him, believe in our country.

The Ern

Thursday, October 16, 2008

My decision is final...whether you agree or not.

I have decided to write a blog to inform people I know of a certain decision that I have thought long and hard about. After I announce this decision, I beg you to please read my reasoning. If you don't agree, that is fine. Just please try to understand at least, and respect my decision as my own. No one convinced me of this - I wholeheartedly debated it within my own head and decided completely on my own.

I have decide not to vote in this election.

Now, calm down. I know you are probably really upset and disappointed with this decision, but please hear me out. I have a right to choose this. We, as Americans, have a right to vote, meaning we can choose to not utilize that right. It is not because I don't think my vote matters, or that I just don't care; it is because I think either candidate will be great for our country and I just don't have the knowledge on the affairs that I think I should have to vote effectively.

I have taken quizzes, watched the debates, read the newspapers. I have worked hard on trying to teach myself the issues. I do understand many of them on a surface level, but I don't have enough experience as an adult to make a truly informed decision on who deserves to run our country. Heck with that outlook, you know that I think my vote matters - I am acting as if my vote is the ONLY one that matters! ;)

I really truly have faith in both candidates. I am a fully moderate voter (and yes even though I am not voting in my first chance of voting, I AM still a voter) and am completely amazed at both candidates. I think they are such intelligent men and even if you don't agree with their views, at least respect them for what they aspire to do and have already done for our country. Whoever wins this year, will get us out of this economic downfall and work their hardest to do what's best for the United States of America. They may make decisions that you hate, but it is impossible to make every single American happy 100% of the time (Thank you Mrs. Prather for teaching me that lesson).

The one good thing that I ask you to take away from this blog, especially if you are beyond disgruntled by my decision, is to just have faith in this country. I love the USA. I am beyond thankful for the life she has given me and thankful for how she has provided for my parents, grandparents, and great-grandparents who immigrated here for the American Dream. Don't forget that American Dream. Remember We the People, what those men were truly doing when they signed the Declaration and wrote our Constitution. They saw this. They envisioned how America is today, and guided us with those documents even after they left our world.

Barak Obama or John McCain? I choose both. Good luck and God bless!

The Ern

Thursday, September 25, 2008

The Baywatch Effect

I learned an interesting fact today in my T101 class. The Baywatch effect. Mark explained it better than I will be able to in this entry, but I will attempt. I took away from today's class that the Baywatch effect means that when a certain hit becomes a hit to a majority of viewers most media creators then take that hit and make it their own to make an optimum profit (I hope that sums it up well enough for you Mark). Baywatch was the beginning of this effect, hence "The Baywatch Effect". Now it has come to a more diverse medium that appeals to viewers.

A good example came to my head during Mark's lecture. Cop shows. My dear lovable critical boyfriend brings this topic up a bunch. He complains to me often that all cop shows on t.v. today are the same. I love watching all these cop shows and he makes fun of me for it because he claims that even with their minor differences they are one and all alike. Who would have thought my boyfriend was discussing an actual theory when he complained about his contempt?

It is completely true what he complains about though. Just off of my head I can name these current cop shows: CSI, CSI: NY, CSI: MIAMI, Law & Order, Law & Order: Criminal Intent, Law & Order: SVU, Cold Case, Saving Grace, Cops, TRU t.v., Discovery's Case Files Shows, etc. All these shows start out with someone dying mysteriously (often times including sexual abuse, but I will get to that later) and then follows the investigators until the crime is solved. So why is it such a hype to watch all these variations? The answer is really simple: Money. The creators of the shows want to make money so they look at what is already popular.
Ever since the days of Dragnet and Cagney and Lacey cop shows have been of interest to many viewers. Since then they have evolved to fit the time period they premiere in and to peek on the interests of the new curiosities within the viewers minds. Cop shows may never come to an end as more technological advances are produced and can be brought into the shows meaning continuous money flow for the creators.

Now onto a flip view of what most people appreciate. The cop show parodies. Recently people have taken notice to the abundance of cop shows on the air and have decided to use that with a completely different twist than what has been seen before. Reno 911, according to it's Wikipedia page, was created by Comedy Central in 2003 and is a "mockumentary" parodying the show Cops. It takes situations just like seen on Cops, but almost seems to make them even more real. It is almost completely improvised so it makes it feel realer that what most cop shows are. It makes fun of what cops must do to protect the law. In Cops, there are a lot of drug busts and chases. In Reno 911, there are ridiculous sexual offenders and calls made that show the cops not having any actual authority. It takes Cops and makes it so much more out there.

Another parody I have seen recently was in Forgetting Sarah Marshall. One of the main characters is an actress for a television cop show. In the movie, there are shots taken of the show she is on and it parodies how so many of the cases in the cop shows in real life revolve around sex offenders. It is obvious that the filming of her show is a lot like the filming of the CSI shows. There is emphasis put on the one liners that the actors say and the fact that each murder is somehow connected through sexual intentions. There may be pubic hair found on the victim, or evidence of rape, or some kind of dominatrix act. It completely parodies real investigation shows.

Anyway, I went on a long rant and most likely lost my main topic. This all connects back to the Baywatch effect because people are making money even off of a hit b making fun of the hit. It's a different angle of the Baywatch effect that I feel will be seen much more in the future. I must say, I do love my cop shows, but I also love a good parody as well. Yet again, my optimistic pessimism is coming out. I'll be back soon to reflect on something more that Mark made me think about!

The Ern